#39 - The Biggest Internal Battle

By Armaan Athwal

Today's Overview:

• The link between awareness and self-control

• How to keep control in check

• Strategies for self-regulation

• Quote of the day

Awareness and Self-Control

Self-control is often the most elusive battle we face within ourselves. Every moment of the day demands it, as we navigate from one decision to the next.

Imagine a world where self-control was a given. We’d be effortlessly productive, making healthy choices, avoiding overspending, and mastering countless other aspects of our lives. Yet, the challenge lies in making this ideal a reality.

Many people think of self-control as simply powering through, as if you can just decide to do or not do something. Everybody has this notion; I mean look at the popular Nike slogan “Just Do It.” But how exactly do you “just do it”? While this approach works for a small group of people, it just isn't feasible.

We’re constantly faced with impulses, where one part of us wants to give in while another part knows we shouldn’t. Essentially, self-control is about managing these internal conflicts—it's about exerting control when your instincts urge you in a different direction.

Research shows that self-control involves regulating and monitoring our emotions, behaviors, attention, and stress. In essence, it’s our ability to grapple with our inner conflicts. For example, if I want to use my phone while working, self-control means wrestling with that urge and staying mindful of the choice at hand. As long as there’s this internal struggle, I haven’t lost control. But once I stop monitoring, I risk losing that control.

Stop Monitoring = Lose Control

If I stop monitoring then the next moment without realizing it, I will find myself with my phone in my hands.

How to Keep Control in Check

Our attention and awareness is everything to maintaining self-control. Without it, we risk giving in to impulses without even realizing it. Our responses to these impulses can become automatic if we're not aware.

We often have moments where we feel we’ve “lost” and assume it’s over. However, the real moment we lose the battle is when we stop monitoring ourselves.

When you mentally give up, you stop paying attention to your impulses. Once you stop monitoring, you're more likely to give in to those impulses. The cycle is clear: mental surrender → reduced awareness → giving in to your impulses.

The question then becomes: how does our awareness fade? This typically happens in two ways: by suppressing our internal awareness or by externalizing it.

When we suppress our internal awareness, we essentially shut off our emotional regulation. We do this by ignoring our feelings and not giving them the attention they need. At the same time, we might focus excessively on external stressors, which diverts our attention away from the internal conflicts that require our attention. This dual distraction—neglecting our internal state while fixating on external problems—can lead us to overlook what's truly undermining our self-control.

Strategies for Self-Regulation

How can we better regulate and monitor our internal conflict?

The most effective way to re-regulate is to regularly check in with yourself. This will increase awareness of your internal self. Set aside dedicated time to pause and reflect on what you’re feeling. Take a moment to identify and acknowledge your emotions without judgment.

Focus on understanding the feeling for what it is in the present moment. Avoid trying to analyze or extrapolate from it. Simply observe and be aware of your emotional state. This helps you stay grounded and prevents emotions from becoming overwhelming or disruptive.

This will help 👇

• Meditation: Practicing mindfulness meditation helps you observe your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. By focusing on your breath and being present, you create a space to understand and accept your emotional state.

• Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and insight. Journaling allows you to express emotions and reflect on their causes, helping you to see patterns and gain a deeper understanding of your internal conflicts.

• Creative Outlets: Engaging in creative activities like painting, playing music, or cooking can serve as a form of emotional expression. These activities provide a constructive way to process and understand your emotions, allowing you to channel your feelings into something productive.

Quote of the Day

“Success has less to do with what we can get ourselves to do and more to do with keeping ourselves from doing what we shouldn’t.” - Kenneth Cole

Self-control helps us create a system that prevents us from engaging in behaviors that slow our progress.