Marriage, Autonomy, & Quiet Loneliness | #77

By Armaan Athwal

Today's Overview:

• Fewer people are getting married or having children

• Independence is praised, but it’s leaving us lonelier than ever

• Quote of the day

I came across something recently that caught my attention.

More people are choosing to opt out of marriage altogether. In the U.S., marriage rates have dropped by nearly 60% since the 1970s, and the age at which people first marry has been steadily increasing.

What makes this interesting is how often I hear this same sentiment, “I’m just going to wait it out. It doesn’t feel necessary anymore.”

And it’s not usually said with bitterness. It’s more like indifference. Like the idea of building a life with someone doesn’t carry the weight it once did.

And they’re not alone in this feeling.

Birth rates are dropping drastically too, not just in the U.S., but globally. Even countries once known for big families are now well below replacement levels.

It’s not just about economics. Yes, housing is expensive. Yes, many feel financially unstable. But beneath all of that, there’s something deeper at play.

More people are choosing not to get married. Those who do are waiting longer. Fewer people are having children. And even among those who are “together,” there’s more disconnection, more strain, more quiet resentment.

What’s fascinating is how these shifts seem tied to something larger than just the changing financial or social landscape. It’s about the rise of individualism. People are more focused than ever on their own personal growth, on autonomy, and independence.

And on the surface, that seems like a good thing, it’s empowering to prioritize your own desires, goals, and needs. But when we shift all our focus inward, something starts to slip through the cracks. We start to lose the ability to truly connect with others.

The more we value personal freedom, the more we move away from long-term commitments. We see relationships, especially marriage, as optional rather than foundational.

It’s not that we’re necessarily against commitment, it’s that the weight of it feels less necessary. The effort to build something lasting with another person seems more daunting when we’re constantly told to prioritize our own paths, our own pursuits.

The irony is that, in the quest for self-sufficiency, we’re becoming more disconnected. There’s a deep loneliness that comes with thinking we have to do everything alone.

Throughout all of human history, we’ve been wired for connection. From tribes to families, communities, and even nations, we’ve built the foundation of our lives on shared experiences and collective goals. We learned, survived, and thrived together.

In avoiding the entanglements of relationships, we’re creating spaces where true connection becomes harder to achieve. The more independent we get, the more isolated we become, even in our closest relationships.

The same sense of disconnection is creeping into friendships, communities, even workplaces. People are choosing to keep things shallow, casual, not wanting to commit to anything that could hold them down or make them vulnerable.

So what does this all mean? Maybe it’s not that we’re turning away from marriage or commitment, it’s that we’ve forgotten the true value of connection. In focusing so much on what we can achieve alone, we’ve overlooked the power of building something with someone else.

Quote of the Day

“The person who is truly best suited to us is not the person who shares our tastes, but the person who can negotiate differences in taste intelligently and wisely.” - Alain de Botton