The Paradox of Forcing Growth | #73

By Armaan Athwal

Today's Overview:

• Alan Watts’ paradox of life: The more you chase purpose and control, the more life slips away from you

• Growth happens when you pick a direction and let the process unfold naturally

• Quote of the day

Where Control Falls Apart

There’s a paradox Alan Watts talks about that’s stuck with me lately.

The more you chase purpose, meaning, and security, the more you seem to push them away. And the harder you try to force life to unfold a certain way, the more it feels like you’re swimming upstream, tiring yourself out but not actually getting anywhere.

I’ve felt that tension a lot in my own life. Especially when I started living intentionally. You make goals, you build systems, you read the right books, and you try to mold yourself into who you’re supposed to be. And sure, it works. You grow. You change. But somewhere along the way, I’ve noticed there’s this subtle shift that happens. You start gripping so tightly to the idea of growth or forcing a specific path to live out, that it stops feeling like life and starts feeling like a constant test.

It’s not that the process isn’t the point because it absolutely is. The process is where you build character, depth, and all the messy layers that make you human. But forcing it, trying to control every outcome, every lesson, every step forward, it kills any chance of actually feeling present in it.

And that’s what I’ve been struggling with because it takes away my peace of mind. Not the kind of peace where I need everything to be perfect and smooth, but the peace where I’m able to sit with myself, fully content in where I’m at right now, in this stage of the process.

The more I try to force it, the more disconnected I feel. Like no matter how far I get, I’m already checked out—too focused on what’s next to appreciate where I am.

And honestly, that’s not growth anymore. It’s just another version of running in place.

I’ve realized it’s not about abandoning purpose or growth. I think you do have to be intentional about your habits, your relationships, your environment. There’s no accidental version of becoming who you want to be. But the trap is believing that control guarantees the outcome.

The way I think about it now is by imagining that you’re standing in an open field, and you can walk in any direction. You could obsess over picking the perfect path. North? Northeast? What if the answer is southwest, and you waste years going the wrong way?

The truth is, there’s no perfect path. And sure, that sounds obvious, but what’s less obvious is how often we still act like there is. We either stay frozen, terrified of choosing wrong, or we cling too tightly to a plan trying to map out every step and forcing ourselves to stick to it no matter what.

But both lead to the same dead end.

Instead you must pick a direction with some sort of intentionality—one that feels right enough. Not because you’ve figured it all out, but because you know the direction that pulls at you and the direction you’re meant to head. You move, you adjust, you stumble, you learn. You collect dirt, experience, and perspective.

It’s never about forcing your way down a narrow route. It’s about directing yourself and letting things unfold naturally as you go. That’s where the process actually starts to matter, when you stop trying to control every outcome and start trusting that the things that you need to experience will naturally occur when you are in motion. This will get you somewhere worth going.

That’s the balance I’m trying to find lately. Setting my aim without suffocating it. Trusting that as long as I’m moving with intention and not desperation, things tend to work out. Maybe not perfectly. But enough.

And honestly, that’s the closest thing to peace I’ve ever felt.

Quote of the Day

“Paradoxical as it may seem, the purposeful life has no content, no point. It hurries on and on, and misses everything. Not hurrying, the purposeless life misses nothing, for it is only when there is no goal and no rush that the human senses are fully open to receive the world.” - Alan Watts