The Power of Asking Yourself the Right Questions | #64

By Armaan Athwal

Today's Overview:

• Your brain filters the world through the questions you ask

• Spiral questioning uncovers layers of hidden truths

• Quote of the day

Why Questions Shape Your Life

What if I told you the quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask yourself?

It might sound like a motivational cliché, but there’s a profound psychological truth behind it. In neuroscience, we know that the brain has a system called the Reticular Activating System (RAS).

This network acts like a filter, determining what information gets your attention. When you ask yourself a question, any question, your RAS gets to work, scanning your environment, memories, and experiences for relevant answers.

It’s why when you buy a new car, you suddenly start noticing that same car everywhere. The RAS has been activated, tuned in to a specific frequency.

Now apply that to the questions you ask about your life. If you constantly ask, why does everything go wrong for me? Your brain will highlight every mistake and failure to prove your question right. But if you ask, What can I learn from this? Your brain shifts gears, actively searching for insights and growth. The questions we ask literally shape how we perceive the world.

It’s the process of deliberately reflecting on what you want, why you want it, and what’s stopping you. This goes deeper than surface-level goal setting. It’s about uncovering the subconscious beliefs, fears, and desires that drive your actions or inactions.

If we don’t examine these hidden layers, we end up chasing what society tells us we should want: money, status, or recognition. But these external markers rarely satisfy us.

The beauty of this process is its simplicity. All you need is curiosity and courage, the curiosity to ask deep, honest questions and the courage to face whatever answers emerge.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• What am I avoiding in my life right now?

• What am I offering to the relationships I care about?

• If everything in my life stayed exactly the same, would I be okay with that?

• What would I do if I knew I had only a year to live?

• If I could master any skill, what would it be?

Asking The Right Questions Example

What do I want most out of life?

“Connection.”

Why do I want that?

Because I want to feel seen. To feel like who I am, underneath everything, is understood and valued.

Why does that matter so much to me?

Because without it, life feels hollow and empty. Accomplishments are only echoes in an empty room if no one is there to share them.

What kind of connection am I really looking for?

Not the kind that comes from a crowded room or a growing follower count. I’m talking about the kind of connection where silence feels comfortable, where nothing needs to be said because everything already is.

But what if that’s not realistic?

Maybe it’s not about finding it but building it. Maybe connection is less about waiting for someone to understand you and more about making space to understand them.

What holds me back from doing that?

Fear. Vulnerability feels like a risk, and I hate the thought of being rejected or misunderstood. Sometimes, it’s easier to stay on the surface than diving deeper.

Why am I so afraid of rejection?

Because I’ve felt the weight of it before. The vulnerability of opening up only to be met with misunderstanding or silence, it’s very painful, making you feel anxious and exposed, like you’ve made a mistake. It’s easier to wear armor.

But what’s the cost of that?

It’s heavy. You think the armor protects you, but it just keeps you isolated. Connection can’t exist when you’re hiding behind walls.

So, how do I let go of that armor?

By remembering why I want connection in the first place. The fear of vulnerability pales in comparison to the ache of loneliness. And maybe, just maybe, the people who matter will see the parts of me I’ve been so afraid to show.

What if they don’t?

Then I’ll try again. Connection isn’t about perfection, it’s about persistence.

The questions loop back on themselves, like a spiral staircase, always rising but revisiting the same points. And the deeper I go, the clearer it becomes: the answers aren’t out there. They’re in the act of asking, the willingness to confront what’s hard and keep moving forward, no matter how messy it gets.

Quote of the Day

“Asking questions is what brains were born to do, at least when we were young children. For young children, quite literally, seeking explanations is as deeply rooted a drive as seeking food or water.” - Alison Gopnik